Sunday, June 18, 2017

Individually Salty and Dry

I am not sure why, but I sure do get bitter living out here in my new position of my company, this required me  to live and travel with them. Somehow I am just over them already, like all of them. Is it because of the fasting month, where I have been spending it with my family since 2007 but suddenly here I am with a bunch of strangers. I don't give a shit.

At least I ensure I have enough relationship that I could theoretically work with them but at the same time a distance. I remember that anxiety I felt in school because I had to partner with someone. Like euww, no more now. I just don't give a shit.

Now though, I could not care less. Have my heart turned into stone? I mean why can't I mingle with them. Ah the teenage me is just screaming inside. The adult me would reply, "you have nothing in common with them"

You play League of Legends, they play Dota 2
You play Pokemon on the 3ds, they play Pokemon Go
You still play the PS3, while they are playing PS4
You prefer the city, they prefer the country side
You like public transport, they prefer to drive
You prefer small efficient cars, they prefer fast one
You like small homes, they like big mansions
You take your skin diligently, while they be like "what is soap?"
You love to bake and eat, while they love to eat out

I just refuse to bend over backwards for things that I am not interested in.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Mixed Feeling and sheer randomness

As I lay in bed, I have so many conflicting feelings with my life right now.

I have so much work and yet I feel no desire to do it. I feel like kicking everyone but at the same I feel like I just want to with draw into a shell somewhere.

It feels sad a bit, that I have a lot of time, since there is no longer an 1 hour commute but at the same time, I just don't have the desire to do anything.

It may feel like depression since everything feels dead but at the same time, I feel sane enough to not take my own life. That is what I learn, what depression is ultimately is.

However does it mean you do or you don't have it?

One simply cannot just take an online quiz and declare one is mentally ill. That is like one way ticket to hypochondriac hell.

I do however feel, whenever I feel ultra sad, my social media goes hay wired a bit. It's either over sharing or under sharing.

I do feel like I am wasting everything here. So much time, just wasted in front of the television and not taking the time to make content

Like, how many of these post complaining about myself that I can make...

Mid 30s and 6 year down the job and I feel high resentment right now. Can't let this take me over. One must find things outside that makes you happy

Grr. I hate being outside and away from everything. How my stomach cringe when a random stranger would comment that its nice to travel a lot.

Oh darling, travelling for work and travelling for pleasure is so different....