Thursday, March 31, 2011


Obsessed? Who me? Pretty much. About what? A lot of things, my close friends would tell you the things I am obsessed with. However, right now, I am obsessed with my skin. Damn, other than family, this has to be one of the most written post I did. I can't help it, I used to have clear skin, clear but oily, but god dammit, it was still clear. Now its like 27 going 13, I could even see the acne forming right before my eyes. I knew it was going from bad to worst since my barber could not perform his job like he usually does. He actually nick one of the pimples at my temple and it bled. When he was trimming my side burns he stayed away from the pimples at the jaw line. When he was putting some yellow cooling "toner" on my scalp, no longer he massaged my forehead, temple or eyebrows anymore, heck he did not even put any muscle when he was massaging my scalp. Noooooo!!!!!! and that was one the best thing about getting a haircut there, which the scalp massage that he does :(. So sad., again so sad. I though I have it under control when I wake up in the morning, I see my face is clearing up, and then when we reach evening, I could see new cyst, yeah cyst, like my parasites!!! not pimples but cyst!!!! forming and I do think it puss now, and not sebum, forming right before my eyes. What the hell man!!! Arrrgh. Now I look just like a few of my friends with bad acne and their face is clearing up!!. My friend told me, that it does not matter, people will still like you. I told him, I know that but right now, I am the one who has to face the mirror and see my face deteriorates, I am the one who has to feel the bumps on my skin when I wash it, I am the one felt the pain if I knocked my my temple and blood is spattered everywhere, not because of a cut but because a pimple burst. These looks like miniature boils now, boils and cyst with puss. Do I have a right to be obsessed about this? DAMN right I do.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I had trouble sleeping last week. It was so bad, that I managed to get indigestion, stomach ache and diarrhea. However food poisoning could be the case but the doctor said my stomach was full of "wind", I think because I was awake, I became hungry, and due to "dieting" I refuse to eat anything. It ends up my stomach produced too much acid and I got all of the above symptom. Its kinda odd with this week. Suddenly I feel sleepy like most of the time, I took naps practically any moment I get. One surge of sleeping patterned to another, I hope get my normal sleeping pattern back

Can you handle this s#*t?

Can you handle this shit? What shit am I talking about. Truth. When we were little, we were tol d that honesty is the best policy, however when we get older, that is not always the way to go. If we were dead honest with most of our answers, we probably be dead. Sometimes its best not to say anything or reveal anything. This move however is could back fire to you and cause even more deadly consequences.

A friend of mine told me the truth is like a shotgun to the chest. You feel the full force of the shot, you could clearly see the shooter, it hurts and you know when you are about to be killed. A gruesome end really, but compared that to a lie, its like being shot by a sniper, you never knew what hit you, till you die, if the shooter misses, and you survived, it would hurt, but you never would believe that you were the target. Two different way to die, to describe truth and a lie.

Sometimes we love lies, it keeps us comfortable. Sometimes its not a lie, its just pretending or denying the truth exist. We live a lie and if we loose control of it, it will eat us alive. So you want the truth? Can you handle such brutal honesty? It will definitely cut the honeymoon short and you will be faced with the naked truth. Perhaps it is better to know everything, how can you get mad if you know the truth and reason behind it? Maybe you just ignore the excess baggage that comes with the truth and just move on forward.

I have no idea, what on earth I am talking about, but I think you get what I mean. Can you handle this shit?

CO2 Laser Resurfacing 2

Its almost a month or more since I last undergo a procedure called CO2 Laser Resurfacing. This is the result. The picture on the left is before and the picture on the right is after the procedure

I was more concerned with the large pigmentation on my right cheek as seen in the second picture. I blame it on my poor blackberry camera for the before photos and the 5megapixle Nokia after photos. I can see that pigmentation on my right cheek has been reduce significantly in size and colour. Its also less noticeable now. For my acne scars, some of it has improved especially the dent on my fore head. However, most of the noticeable result is gone, because I kept having more acne on my face which created newer scars. In general, I do feel the skin is more refined despite the onslaught of acne. I noticed that the bumps on my nose due to blackheads is almost unnoticeable to my eyes. Even my pores seemed smaller now.

Would I do it again? If I had the money I would definitely try to erase as much scars on my face as I can. I just have to control my acne now.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

They Say

Its caused by your facial, they say
Its caused by your eating habits, they say
Its caused by the face cream you use, they say
Its caused by dirty blood, they say
Its caused by stress, they say

They say many things about my acne, there is not solid proof they are wrong or I am right.

Alas, I went to the clinic and asked about my acne.

Its caused by weight increased, they say.. (My weight is maintained, I never gained large amount of weight in a short time)
Its caused by bacteria infection, they say (I was my face twice a day with a cleanser)

Its caused by the hormone called androgen, an important hormone for stress and during puberty.... So its either I am stress (I don't feel stressed) or I am going through a second phase of puberty??. Actually I have always thought that hormonal changes is the cause of my breakout. Its what happened when  I was 13, when  I first started to have acne. So now, I am going on antibiotics and will monitor the progress of my acne.

*When one pimple is treated, another comes out. Its a constant war on my skin. Please be grateful if you were born or have perfect skin. Acne is terrible especially if they start to hurt like a boil (bisul). Ouch...

Rude Awakening

Talk about a rude awakening. After a day of insomnia. yup, finally gotten insomnia but no point since I am not doing any work, which is followed by an upset stomach the whole day, and finally when I managed to be able to sleep, I was woken up by my mother saying there is a neighborhood clean up day and then I heard people, trucks and chainsaw oh my. Owh when I finally woke up, my mother said, "well thank goodness I told your father you have an upset stomach"..."I did Ma" I said. "Owh you did?, I did not know that"... Well Ma, I was sick the whole friday, so I stayed in my room mostly, only to go out to Friday prayers and to send in my resume through the mail. Really at almost 28, I gotta get freaked out by my dad's reaction. I do hope this resume thing goes through. Its really a good time to spend time apart from my family. All I need in my own place is mattress, my laptop, a place to hang my clothes, a fan, an internet access and a kettle. That is what I call freedom...

Monday, March 14, 2011


Its really time to cool down, from everything, from my skin, from my dad, from my prof, from my personal life. No reason for me to get all worked up if the same outcome or better outcome would be achieve if I was calm. Right?

Other thing suck even more than my skin, the dissaster that struck Japan is far worser and people there got it much worser that any of us in Malaysia is.

Watch it

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Lots of things are changing in my life. I think its reflecting on my skin. It used to clear but oily, then pigmentation and oily.  then acne starting breaking out, pigmentation and it was still oily, then after extractions at the facial and laser resurfacing at the clinic, acne is still breaking out but instead of framing my forehead, the acne is now framing my jaw. I think the skin is now less oily that before.

Perhaps whats going on in life does reflect on your skin, I wonder if anyone else experienced the same thing. I just can't go out and buy whatever skin care that smells good or on sale now. I am afraid of how my skin would react to it now. I used to know, what will happened with each product that I used, now I am just confused as my skin is now.

That includes life too...

Sunday, March 6, 2011


Beastly? Sounds like Coach Beastie in Glee, a french name.

 As I wrote earlier, this move is an adaptation of the famous fairy tale, Beauty and The Beast

We have the "prince" an arrogant high school student who believed good looks are everything. He can't help it, his dad ingrained this idea in him every single day. Poor thing had to BBM his dad for attention.

 His bitterness and arrogance has lead him to become this bald tattooed person, who is shunned from everyone.

 This is the witch who decided to teach him a lesson that you are only as beautiful as you are inside

 This was the girl, who actually could see through his arrogance. In fact she loved his straight forward manner and non pretentious views, however obnoxious it is.

This a the blind tutor that also sees what a beautiful person he is on the inside, which is hurting but tried to cover it up with being arrogant.

This is a chick flick. Meaning, your girl friends and the girl in you, would love it. My sister said she has not seen this type of movie for a long time (what about Twilight?, I think I am Number 4 got some chick flick stuff in it too?). The audience seemed to liked it too, with all of us going aww and oooh at the same time. I think its worth watching if you are into these type of movies. Give it a shot.

Baking Happiness

Mayonnaise Chocolate cake. Trust me, its sounds nasty, but it does not taste like mayonnaise and it taste great.

There was not much to do on this particular Saturday, every body was doing their own thing, traveling, going out, outstation and so on. I decided to take a nap, the whole day. I could go to the gym but perhaps I will go on Sunday, all the laser scars on my face has gone away and my face does not feel itchy anymore. Night life? hmm not so much, but I think its good, but its weird that today was the day I felt I need to go out, although I did technically for brunch.

Anyhow through some of the madness that I faced these past few months, I always forgot that baking always fills my time up and it allows me to forget about stuff. Another bonus of baking is the end result, I have freshly baked items and other people can enjoy them. When people enjoy what I made, it makes me happy. Most of the things I baked, such a cookies can be kept for a month and during that month, there are bound to be family or friends dropping by. Its like an ego boost in a Tupperwear, because my mom would be so proud that her son bakes.

You might say I am fishing for compliments, I am, but you get to enjoy freshly baked stuff, so its even LOL. Seriously though, baking does make me happy, and when other people are happy, it makes me happier.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


I unwillingly willing  helped a lab mate of mine to convert her English abstract to a Malay abstrak. Its like some UPM guideline thing to have in your thesis. It was pure hell, its not even my work and the pain to translate all the medical word into Malay was exhausting, since most of it don't even make sense. UKM is the only university that demands its student to produce their thesis in Malay. It should be easy, since most of their references has been translated into Malay, however when you are doing your graduate study, you need more information from current journals, which are in English. So you had to translate it into Malay so that you could incorporate it into your thesis, if you were in UKM.

No wonder, those who worked as a translator, freelance, gets a lot of money. Since its damn hard and you need to ensure the translation is correct and is understandable. I watched "I am Number 4" with a friend and it has some funny Malay translation

girl friend = mak we..(its a bit informal.. and hilarious for me)

haunted hay ride = perjalanan jerami puaka.

I guess its true, but I just normally  don't use "puaka" on a pile of hay..


Thursday, March 3, 2011


I think my face is healing. It does itch from time to time from the laser scars, but my doctor told me to keep my skin mosturized so that it will heal better. He was right, it felt better with some lotion on it. I think some of the pigmentation does look lighter although the acne scars are still there. However when I do look at the mirror, my face seemed more refined. Maybe it just me, but more likely its the skin re emerging. No amount of facial scrub can bring you this kind of effect since the laser goes deep into your skin. The stronger the laser, the more effective the result. So far, people were kind curious what happened to my face, it looked like a sunburn but with patterns. However since I already submitted my thesis, I really don't go out that much at all. I am going to apply for a position is some of the private colleges nearby. Something for me to do, I think not doing anything much causes me to be over reactive in some situations or just being plain stupid and foolish and clingy and angry and needy and pathethic. Its so pathetic, I am shameful of myself. Luckily I snap back quickly, but then I end up snapping back. Oooh rubber band effect or just being childish. Watever... I just need to find something better to do...

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Mars Needs Moms

MnMs !!!!

Yes.. Mars Need Moms!!!

I saw a trailer of this move when I watched I am Number 4, courtesy of Nuffnang.I have to be nerdy about this, why do Martians need moms? The only logical reason I have, is that Martians do not have any birth mothers, the offsprings are cloned and grown in Petri Dishes or the reproduce asexually via binary fision or budding. However after seeing the trailer, they're were variations between the Martians, including a girl Martian that is a rebel. The moment I saw the trailer I heard the voice of Milo's mom, I thought she was Lynette Scavo.. Eeeek WRONG.. she was the voice of Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl, Joan Cusack, who is John Cusack sister.


Take out the trash, eat your broccoli—who needs moms, anyway? Nine-year-old Milo (Seth Green) finds out just how much he needs his mom (Joan Cusack) when she’s nabbed by Martians who plan to steal her mom-ness for their own young. Produced by the team behind “Disney’s A Christmas Carol” and “The Polar Express,” “Mars Needs Moms” showcases Milo’s quest to save his mom—a wild adventure in Disney Digital 3D™ and IMAX® 3D that involves stowing away on a spaceship, navigating an elaborate, multi-level planet and taking on the alien nation and their leader (Mindy Sterling). With the help of a tech-savvy, underground earthman named Gribble (Dan Fogler) and a rebel Martian girl called Ki (Elisabeth Harnois), Milo just might find his way back to his mom—in more ways than one.

Check it out :)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Fractional CO2 Laser Skin Resurfacing

I used to have relatively flawless skin. My pictures are not photoshopped its just that when all the imperfections I seen its not caught on film. My skin is just very oily, enlarged pores and I have blackheads. Pimple was not a major issue since it only one or two will come out. Afterwards when I shaved off my sideburns I noticed that there was a large pigmentation on my right cheek. I have no idea when it formed but it got worse when I had the sudden acne breakout.

 Back during the carefree acne free days

 Then because of stress that I induced upon myself because I could not control myself, my acne came out and it came out with a vengeance. When I removed it, it left many scars on my face.

 My acne scars frames my face like it did when I was 13.

 The pigmentation on my right cheek was aggravated by the acne scars and treatment

 This was taken about 30 minutes after the procedure. I was told that it would be "hot" and there would be a burning sensation. It was true actually, my face felt like it was on fire for a while. I was told to take some pain killers if the pain was starting to be uncomfortable. Which it did but after a Panadol, my face just felt tingling.

 It looks like sunburn but with a distinctive uniformed patterned of the laser

I was told, my face would look like this for about a week but I would see improvement in a few days. A minimum SPF 15 sunblock is compulsory after this treatment. No toner, no scrub, no peel of mask and no harsh cleanser should be used on the skin. I really can't wait to see the end result of this treatment. This is an article about Fractional CO2 Laser Skin Resurfacing.

A good friend of mine, Dr Chen, did this treatment. He has other treatments available at his clinic Mediviron at UOA building. He is a great friendly doctor that will put your at ease regardless of whatever you need to do.